'WE CAN
come here once again,' said Julia. 'It's generally safe to use
any hide-out twice. But not for another month or two, of course.'
As soon as she woke up her demeanour had changed. She became
alert and business-like, put her clothes on, knotted the scarlet
sash about her waist, and began arranging the details of the
journey home. It seemed natural to leave this to her. She
obviously had a practical cunning which Winston lacked, and she
seemed also to have an exhaustive knowledge of the countryside
round London, stored away from innumerable community hikes. The
route she gave him was quite different from the one by which he
had come, and brought him out at a different railway station.
'Never go home the same way as you went out,' she said, as though
enunciating an important general principle. She would leave
first, and Winston was to wait half an hour before following her.
She had named a place where they could meet after work, four
evenings hence. It was a street in one of the poorer quarters,
where there was an open market which was generally crowded and
noisy. She would be hanging about among the stalls, pretending to
be in search of shoelaces or sewing- thread. If she judged that
the coast was clear she would blow her nose when he approached;
otherwise he was to walk past her without recognition. But with
luck, in the middle of the crowd, it would be safe to talk for a
quarter of an hour and arrange another meeting. 'And now I must
go,' she said as soon as he had mastered his instructions. 'I'm
due back at nineteen-thirty. I've got to put in two hours for the
Junior Anti-Sex League, handing out leaflets, or something. Isn't
it bloody? Give me a brush-down, would you? Have I got any twigs
in my hair? Are you sure? Then good-bye, my love, good-bye!' She
flung herself into his arms, kissed him almost violently, and a
moment later pushed her way through the saplings and disappeared
into the wood with very little noise. Even now he had not found
out her surname or her address. However, it made no difference,
for it was inconceivable that they could ever meet indoors or
exchange any kind of written communication. As it happened, they
never went back to the clearing in the wood. During the month of
May there was only one further occasion on which they actually
succeeded in making love. That was in another hidlng-place known
to Julia, the belfry of a ruinous church in an almost-deserted
stretch of country where an atomic bomb had fallen thirty years
earlier. It was a good hiding-place when once you got there, but
the getting there was very dangerous. For the rest they could
meet only in the streets, in a different place every evening and
never for more than half an hour at a time. In the street it was
usually possible to talk, after a fashion. As they drifted down
the crowded pavements, not quite abreast and never looking at one
another, they carried on a curious, intermittent conversation
which flicked on and off like the beams of a lighthouse, suddenly
nipped into silence by the approach of a Party uniform or the
proximity of a telescreen, then taken up again minutes later in
the middle of a sentence, then abruptly cut short as they parted
at the agreed spot, then continued almost without introduction on
the following day. Julia appeared to be quite used to this kind
of conversation, which she called 'talking by instalments'. She
was also surprisingly adept at speaking without moving her lips.
Just once in almost a month of nightly meetings they managed to
exchange a kiss. They were passing in silence down a side-street
(Julia would never speak when they were away from the main
streets) when there was a deafening roar, the earth heaved, and
the air darkened, and Winston found himself lying on his side,
bruised and terrified. A rocket bomb must have dropped quite near
at hand. Suddenly he became aware of Julia's face a few
centimetres from his own, deathly white, as white as chalk. Even
her lips were white. She was dead! He clasped her against him and
found that he was kissing a live warm face. But there was some
powdery stuff that got in the way of his lips. Both of their
faces were thickly coated with plaster. There were evenings when
they reached their rendezvous and then had to walk past one
another without a sign, because a patrol had just come round the
corner or a helicopter was hovering overhead. Even if it had been
less dangerous, it would still have been difficult to find time
to meet. Winston's working week was sixty hours, Julia's was even
longer, and their free days varied according to the pressure of
work and did not often coincide. Julia, in any case, seldom had
an evening completely free. She spent an astonishing amount of
time in attending lectures and demonstrations, distributing
literature for the junior Anti-Sex League, preparing banners for
Hate Week, making collections for the savings campaign, and
such-like activities. It paid, she said, it was camouflage. If
you kept the small rules, you could break the big ones. She even
induced Winston to mortgage yet another of his evenings by
enrolling himself for the part-time munition work which was done
voluntarily by zealous Party members. So, one evening every week,
Winston spent four hours of paralysing boredom, screwing together
small bits of metal which were probably parts of bomb fuses, in a
draughty, ill-lit workshop where the knocking of hammers mingled
drearily with the music of the telescreens. When they met in the
church tower the gaps in their fragmentary conversation were
filled up. It was a blazing afternoon. The air in the little
square chamber above the bells was hot and stagnant, and smelt
overpoweringly of pigeon dung. They sat talking for hours on the
dusty, twig- littered floor, one or other of them getting up from
time to time to cast a glance through the arrowslits and make
sure that no one was coming. Julia was twenty-six years old. She
lived in a hostel with thirty other girls ('Always in the stink
of women! How I hate women!' she said parenthetically), and she
worked, as he had guessed, on the novel-writing machines in the
Fiction Department. She enjoyed her work, which consisted chiefly
in running and servicing a powerful but tricky electric motor.
She was 'not clever', but was fond of using her hands and felt at
home with machinery. She could describe the whole process of
composing a novel, from the general directive issued by the
Planning Committee down to the final touching-up by the Rewrite
Squad. But she was not interested in the finished product. She
'didn't much care for reading,' she said. Books were just a
commodity that had to be produced, like jam or bootlaces. She had
no memories of anything before the early sixties and the only
person she had ever known who talked frequently of the days
before the Revolution was a grandfather who had disappeared when
she was eight. At school she had been captain of the hockey team
and had won the gymnastics trophy two years running. She had been
a troop-leader in the Spies and a branch secretary in the Youth
League before joining the Junior Anti-Sex League. She had always
borne an excellent character. She had even (an infallibIe mark of
good reputation) been picked out to work in Pornosec, the sub-
section of the Fiction Department which turned out cheap
pornography for distribution among the proles. It was nicknamed
Muck House by the people who worked in it, she remarked. There
she had remained for a year, helping to produce booklets in
sealed packets with titles like Spanking Stories or One
Night in a Girls' School, to be bought furtively by
proletarian youths who were under the impression that they were
buying something illegal. 'What are these books like?' said
Winston curiously. 'Oh, ghastly rubbish. They're boring, really.
They only have six plots, but they swap them round a bit. Of
course I was only on the kaleidoscopes. I was never in the
Rewrite Squad. I'm not literary, dear -- not even enough for
that.' He learned with astonishment that all the workers in
Pornosec, except the heads of the departments, were girls. The
theory was that men, whose sex instincts were less controllable
than those of women, were in greater danger of being corrupted by
the filth they handled. 'They don't even like having married
women there,' she added. Girls are always supposed to be so pure.
Here's one who isn't, anyway. She had had her first love-affair
when she was sixteen, with a Party member of sixty who later
committed suicide to avoid arrest. 'And a good job too,' said
Julia, 'otherwise they'd have had my name out of him when he
confessed.' Since then there had been various others. Life as she
saw it was quite simple. You wanted a good time; 'they', meaning
the Party, wanted to stop you having it; you broke the rules as
best you couId. She seemed to think it just as natural that
'they' should want to rob you of your pleasures as that you
should want to avoid being caught. She hated the Party, and said
so in the crudest words, but she made no general criticism of it.
Except where it touched upon her own life she had no interest in
Party doctrine. He noticed that she never used Newspeak words
except the ones that had passed into everyday use. She had never
heard of the Brotherhood, and refused to believe in its
existence. Any kind of organized revolt against the Party, which
was bound to be a failure, struck her as stupid. The clever thing
was to break the rules and stay alive all the same. He wondered
vaguely how many others like her there might be in the younger
generation people who had grown up in the world of the
Revolution, knowing nothing else, accepting the Party as
something unalterable, like the sky, not rebelling against its
authority but simply evading it, as a rabbit dodges a dog. They
did not discuss the possibility of getting married. It was too
remote to be worth thinking about. No imaginable committee would
ever sanction such a marriage even if Katharine, Winston's wife,
could somehow have been got rid of. It was hopeless even as a
daydream. 'What was she like, your wife?' said Julia. 'She was --
do you know the Newspeak word goodthinkful? Meaning
naturally orthodox, incapable of thinking a bad thought?' 'No, I
didn't know the word, but I know the kind of person, right
enough.' He began telling her the story of his married life, but
curiousIy enough she appeared to know the essential parts of it
already. She described to him, almost as though she had seen or
felt it, the stiffening of Katharine's body as soon as he touched
her, the way in which she still seemed to be pushing him from her
with all her strength, even when her arms were clasped tightly
round him. With Julia he felt no difficulty in talking about such
things: Katharine, in any case, had long ceased to be a painful
memory and became merely a distasteful one. 'I could have stood
it if it hadn't been for one thing,' he said. He toId her about
the frigid little ceremony that Katharine had forced him to go
through on the same night every week. 'She hated it, but nothing
would make her stop doing it. She used to call it -- but you'll
never guess.' 'Our duty to the Party,' said Julia promptly. 'How
did you know that?' 'I've been at school too, dear. Sex talks
once a month for the over-sixteens. And in the Youth Movement.
They rub it into you for years. I dare say it works in a lot of
cases. But of course you can never tell; peopIe are such
hypocrites.' She began to enlarge upon the subject. With Julia,
everything came back to her own sexuality. As soon as this was
touched upon in any way she was capable of great acuteness.
Unlike Winston, she had grasped the inner meaning of the Party's
sexual puritanism. It was not merely that the sex instinct
created a world of its own which was outside the Party's control
and which therefore had to be destroyed if possible. What was
more important was that sexual privation induced hysteria, which
was desirable because it could be transformed into war-fever and
leader-worship. The way she put it was: 'When you make love
you're using up energy; and afterwards you feel happy and don't
give a damn for anything. They can't bear you to feel like that.
They want you to be bursting with energy all the time. All this
marching up and down and cheering and waving flags is simpIy sex
gone sour. If you're happy inside yourself, why should you get
excited about Big Brother and the Three-Year Plans and the Two
Minutes Hate and all the rest of their bloody rot?' That was very
true, he thought. There was a direct intimate connexion between
chastity and political orthodoxy. For how could the fear, the
hatred, and the lunatic credulity which the Party needed in its
members be kept at the right pitch, except by bottling down some
powerful instinct and using it as a driving force? The sex
impulse was dangerous to the Party, and the Party had turned it
to account. They had played a similar trick with the instinct of
parenthood. The family could not actually be abolished, and,
indeed, people were encouraged to be fond of their children, in
almost the old-fashioned way. The children, on the other hand,
were systematically turned against their parents and taught to
spy on them and report their deviations. The family had become in
effect an extension of the Thought Police. It was a device by
means of which everyone could be surrounded night and day by
informers who knew him intimately. Abruptly his mind went back to
Katharine. Katharine would unquestionably have denounced him to
the Thought Police if she had not happened to be too stupid to
detect the unorthodoxy of his opinions. But what really recalled
her to him at this moment was the stifling heat of the afternoon,
which had brought the sweat out on his forehead. He began telling
Julia of something that had happened, or rather had failed to
happen, on another sweltering summer afternoon, eleven years ago.
It was three or four months after they were married. They had
lost their way on a community hike somewhere in Kent. They had
only lagged behind the others for a couple of minutes, but they
took a wrong turning, and presently found themselves pulled up
short by the edge of an old chalk quarry. It was a sheer drop of
ten or twenty metres, with boulders at the bottom. There was
nobody of whom they could ask the way. As soon as she realized
that they were lost Katharine became very uneasy. To be away from
the noisy mob of hikers even for a moment gave her a feeling of
wrong- doing. She wanted to hurry back by the way they had come
and start searching in the other direction. But at this moment
Winston noticed some tufts of loosestrife growing in the cracks
of the cliff beneath them. One tuft was of two colours, magenta
and brick-red, apparently growing on the same root. He had never
seen anything of the kind before, and he called to Katharine to
come and look at it. 'Look, Katharine ! Look at those flowers.
That clump down near the bottom. Do you see they're two different
colours?' She had already turned to go, but she did rather
fretfully come back for a moment. She even leaned out over the
cliff face to see where he was pointing. He was standing a little
behind her, and he put his hand on her waist to steady her. At
this moment it suddenly occurred to him how completely alone they
were. There was not a human creature anywhere, not a leaf
stirring, not even a bird awake. In a place like this the danger
that there would be a hidden microphone was very small, and even
if there was a microphone it would only pick up sounds. It was
the hottest sleepiest hour of the afternoon. The sun blazed down
upon them, the sweat tickled his face. And the thought struck him
. . . 'Why didn't you give her a good shove?' said Julia. 'I
would have.' 'Yes, dear, you would have. I would, if I'd been the
same person then as I am now. Or perhaps I would -- I'm not
certain.' 'Are you sorry you didn't?' 'Yes. On the whole I'm
sorry I didn't.' They were sitting side by side on the dusty
floor. He pulled her closer against him. Her head rested on his
shoulder, the pleasant smell of her hair conquering the pigeon
dung. She was very young, he thought, she still expected
something from life, she did not understand that to push an
inconvenient person over a cliff solves nothing. 'Actually it
would have made no difference,' he said. 'Then why are you sorry
you didn't do it?' 'Only because I prefer a positive to a
negative. In this game that we're playing, we can't win. Some
kinds of failure are better than other kinds, that's all.' He
felt her shoulders give a wriggle of dissent. She always
contradicted him when he said anything of this kind. She would
not accept it as a law of nature that the individual is always
defeated. In a way she realized that she herself was doomed, that
sooner or later the Thought Police would catch her and kill her,
but with another part of her mind she believed that it was
somehow possible to construct a secret world in which you could
live as you chose. All you needed was luck and cunning and
boldness. She did not understand that there was no such thing as
happiness, that the only victory lay in the far future, long
after you were dead, that from the moment of declaring war on the
Party it was better to think of yourself as a corpse. 'We are the
dead,' he said. 'We're not dead yet,' said Julia prosaically.
'Not physically. Six months, a year -- five years, conceivably. I
am afraid of death. You are young, so presumably you're more
afraid of it than I am. Obviously we shall put it off as long as
we can. But it makes very little difference. So long as human
beings stay human, death and life are the same thing.' 'Oh,
rubbish! Which would you sooner sleep with, me or a skeleton?
Don't you enjoy being alive? Don't you like feeling: This is me,
this is my hand, this is my leg, I'm real, I'm solid, I'm alive!
Don't you like this?' She twisted herself round and
pressed her bosom against him. He could feel her breasts, ripe
yet firm, through her overalls. Her body seemed to be pouring
some of its youth and vigour into his. 'Yes, I like that,' he
said. 'Then stop talking about dying. And now listen, dear, we've
got to fix up about the next time we meet. We may as well go back
to the place in the wood. We've given it a good long rest. But
you must get there by a different way this time. I've got it all
planned out. You take the train -- but look, I'll draw it out for
you.' And in her practical way she scraped together a small
square of dust, and with a twig from a pigeon's nest began
drawing a map on the floor.
x x x
- WINSTON
looked round the shabby little room above Mr
Charrington's shop. Beside the window the enormous bed
was made up, with ragged blankets and a coverless
bolster. The old-fashioned clock with the twelve-hour
face was ticking away on the mantelpiece. In the corner,
on the gateleg table, the glass paperweight which he had
bought on his last visit gleamed softly out of the
half-darkness.
- In the fender was a battered tin oilstove, a saucepan,
and two cups, provided by Mr Charrington. Winston lit the
burner and set a pan of water to boil. He had brought an
envelope full of Victory Coffee and some saccharine
tablets. The clock's hands said seventeen-twenty: it was
nineteen- twenty really. She was coming at
nineteen-thirty.
- Folly, folly, his heart kept saying: conscious,
gratuitous, suicidal folly. Of all the crimes that a
Party member could commit, this one was the least
possible to conceal. Actually the idea had first floated
into his head in the form of a vision, of the glass
paperweight mirrored by the surface of the gateleg table.
As he had foreseen, Mr Charrington had made no difficulty
about letting the room. He was obviously glad of the few
dollars that it would bring him. Nor did he seem shocked
or become offensively knowing when it was made clear that
Winston wanted the room for the purpose of a love-affair.
Instead he looked into the middle distance and spoke in
generalities, with so delicate an air as to give the
impression that he had become partly invisible. Privacy,
he said, was a very valuable thing. Everyone wanted a
place where they could be alone occasionally. And when
they had such a place, it was only common courtesy in
anyone else who knew of it to keep his knowledge to
himself. He even, seeming almost to fade out of existence
as he did so, added that there were two entries to the
house, one of them through the back yard, which gave on
an alley.
- Under the window somebody was singing. Winston peeped
out, secure in the protection of the muslin curtain. The
June sun was still high in the sky, and in the sun-filled
court below, a monstrous woman, solid as a Norman pillar,
with brawny red forearms and a sacking apron strapped
about her middle, was stumping to and fro between a
washtub and a clothes line, pegging out a series of
square white things which Winston recognized as babies'
diapers. Whenever her mouth was not corked with clothes
pegs she was singing in a powerful contralto:
- It was only an 'opeless fancy.
- It passed like an Ipril dye,
- But a look an' a word an' the dreams they stirred!
- They 'ave stolen my 'eart awye!
- The tune had been haunting London for weeks past. It was
one of countless similar songs published for the benefit
of the proles by a sub-section of the Music Department.
The words of these songs were composed without any human
intervention whatever on an instrument known as a
versificator. But the woman sang so tunefully as to turn
the dreadful rubbish into an almost pleasant sound. He
could hear the woman singing and the scrape of her shoes
on the flagstones, and the cries of the children in the
street, and somewhere in the far distance a faint roar of
traffic, and yet the room seemed curiously silent, thanks
to the absence of a telescreen.
- Folly, folly, folly! he thought again. It was
inconceivable that they could frequent this place for
more than a few weeks without being caught. But the
temptation of having a hiding-place that was truly their
own, indoors and near at hand, had been too much for both
of them. For some time after their visit to the church
belfry it had been impossible to arrange meetings.
Working hours had been drastically increased in
anticipation of Hate Week. It was more than a month
distant, but the enormous, complex preparations that it
entailed were throwing extra work on to everybody.
Finally both of them managed to secure a free afternoon
on the same day. They had agreed to go back to the
clearing in the wood. On the evening beforehand they met
briefly in the street. As usual, Winston hardly looked at
Julia as they drifted towards one another in the crowd,
but from the short glance he gave her it seemed to him
that she was paler than usual.
- 'It's all off,' she murmured as soon as she judged it
safe to speak. 'Tomorrow, I mean.'
- 'What?'
- 'Tomorrow afternoon. I can't come.'
- 'Why not?'
- 'Oh, the usual reason. It's started early this time.'
- For a moment he was violently angry. During the month
that he had known her the nature of his desire for her
had changed. At the beginning there had been little true
sensuality in it. Their first love-making had been simply
an act of the will. But after the second time it was
different. The smell of her hair, the taste of her mouth,
the feeling of her skin seemed to have got inside him, or
into the air all round him. She had become a physical
necessity, something that he not only wanted but felt
that he had a right to. When she said that she could not
come, he had the feeling that she was cheating him. But
just at this moment the crowd pressed them together and
their hands accidentally met. She gave the tips of his
fingers a quick squeeze that seemed to invite not desire
but affection. It struck him that when one lived with a
woman this particular disappointment must be a normal,
recurring event; and a deep tenderness, such as he had
not felt for her before, suddenly took hold of him. He
wished that they were a married couple of ten years'
standing. He wished that he were walking through the
streets with her just as they were doing now but openly
and without fear, talking of trivialities and buying odds
and ends for the household. He wished above all that they
had some place where they could be alone together without
feeling the obligation to make love every time they met.
It was not actually at that moment, but at some time on
the following day, that the idea of renting Mr
Charrington's room had occurred to him. When he suggested
it to Julia she had agreed with unexpected readiness.
Both of them knew that it was lunacy. It was as though
they were intentionally stepping nearer to their graves.
As he sat waiting on the edge of the bed he thought again
of the cellars of the Ministry of Love. It was curious
how that predestined horror moved in and out of one's
consciousness. There it lay, fixed in future times,
preceding death as surely as 99 precedes 100. One could
not avoid it, but one could perhaps postpone it: and yet
instead, every now and again, by a conscious, wilful act,
one chose to shorten the interval before it happened.
- At this moment there was a quick step on the stairs.
Julia burst into the room. She was carrying a tool-bag of
coarse brown canvas, such as he had sometimes seen her
carrying to and fro at the Ministry. He started forward
to take her in his arms, but she disengaged herself
rather hurriedly, partly because she was still holding
the tool-bag.
- 'Half a second,' she said. 'Just let me show you what
I've brought. Did you bring some of that filthy Victory
Coffee? I thought you would. You can chuck it away again,
because we shan't be needing it. Look here.'
- She fell on her knees, threw open the bag, and tumbled
out some spanners and a screwdriver that filled the top
part of it. Underneath were a number of neat paper
packets. The first packet that she passed to Winston had
a strange and yet vaguely familiar feeling. It was filled
with some kind of heavy, sand-like stuff which yielded
wherever you touched it.
- 'It isn't sugar?' he said.
- 'Real sugar. Not saccharine, sugar. And here's a loaf of
bread proper white bread, not our bloody stuff -- and a
little pot of jam. And here's a tin of milk -- but look!
This is the one I'm really proud of. I had to wrap a bit
of sacking round it, because-'
- But she did not need to tell him why she had wrapped it
up. The smell was already filling the room, a rich hot
smell which seemed like an emanation from his early
childhood, but which one did occasionally meet with even
now, blowing down a passage-way before a door slammed, or
diffusing itself mysteriously in a crowded street,
sniffed for an instant and then lost again.
- 'It's coffee,' he murmured, 'real coffee.'
- 'It's Inner Party coffee. There's a whole kilo here, she
said.
- 'How did you manage to get hold of all these things?'
- 'It's all Inner Party stuff. There's nothing those swine
don't have, nothing. But of course waiters and servants
and people pinch things, and -- look, I got a little
packet of tea as well.'
- Winston had squatted down beside her. He tore open a
corner of the packet.
- 'It's real tea. Not blackberry leaves.'
- 'There's been a lot of tea about lately. They've captured
India, or something,' she said vaguely. 'But listen,
dear. I want you to turn your back on me for three
minutes. Go and sit on the other side of the bed. Don't
go too near the window. And don't turn round till I tell
you.'
- Winston gazed abstractedly through the muslin curtain.
Down in the yard the red-armed woman was still marching
to and fro between the washtub and the line. She took two
more pegs out of her mouth and sang with deep feeling:
- They sye that time 'eals all things,
- They sye you can always forget;
- But the smiles an' the tears acrorss the years
- They twist my 'eart-strings yet!
- She knew the whole drivelling song by heart, it seemed.
Her voice floated upward with the sweet summer air, very
tuneful, charged with a sort of happy melancholy. One had
the feeling that she would have been perfectly content,
if the June evening had been endless and the supply of
clothes inexhaustible, to remain there for a thousand
years, pegging out diapers and singing rubbish. It struck
him as a curious fact that he had never heard a member of
the Party singing alone and spontaneously. It would even
have seemed slightly unorthodox, a dangerous
eccentricity, like talking to oneself. Perhaps it was
only when people were somewhere near the starvation level
that they had anything to sing about.
- 'You can turn round now,' said Julia.
- He turned round, and for a second almost failed to
recognize her. What he had actually expected was to see
her naked. But she was not naked. The transformation that
had happened was much more surprising than that. She had
painted her face.
- She must have slipped into some shop in the proletarian
quarters and bought herself a complete set of make-up
materials. Her lips were deeply reddened, her cheeks
rouged, her nose powdered; there was even a touch of
something under the eyes to make them brighter. It was
not very skilfully done, but Winston's standards in such
matters were not high. He had never before seen or
imagined a woman of the Party with cosmetics on her face.
The improvement in her appearance was startling. With
just a few dabs of colour in the right places she had
become not only very much prettier, but, above all, far
more feminine. Her short hair and boyish overalls merely
added to the effect. As he took her in his arms a wave of
synthetic violets flooded his nostrils. He remem bered
the half-darkness of a basement kitchen, and a woman's
cavernous mouth. It was the very same scent that she had
used; but at the moment it did not seem to matter.
- 'Scent too!' he said.
- 'Yes, dear, scent too. And do you know what I'm going to
do next? I'm going to get hold of a real woman's frock
from somewhere and wear it instead of these bloody
trousers. I'll wear silk stockings and high-heeled shoes!
In this room I'm going to be a woman, not a Party
comrade.'
- They flung their clothes off and climbed into the huge
mahogany bed. It was the first time that he had stripped
himself naked in her presence. Until now he had been too
much ashamed of his pale and meagre body, with the
varicose veins standing out on his calves and the
discoloured patch over his ankle. There were no sheets,
but the blanket they lay on was threadbare and smooth,
and the size and springiness of the bed astonished both
of them. 'It's sure to be full of bugs, but who cares?'
said Julia. One never saw a double bed nowadays, except
in the homes of the proles. Winston had occasionally
slept in one in his boyhood: Julia had never been in one
before, so far as she could remember.
- Presently they fell asleep for a little while. When
Winston woke up the hands of the clock had crept round to
nearly nine. He did not stir, because Julia was sleeping
with her head in the crook of his arm. Most of her
make-up had transferred itself to his own face or the
bolster, but a light stain of rouge still brought out the
beauty of her cheekbone. A yellow ray from the sinking
sun fell across the foot of the bed and lighted up the
fireplace, where the water in the pan was boiling fast.
Down in the yard the woman had stopped singing, but the
faint shouts of children floated in from the street. He
wondered vaguely whether in the abolished past it had
been a normal experience to lie in bed like this, in the
cool of a summer evening, a man and a woman with no
clothes on, making love when they chose, talking of what
they chose, not feeling any compulsion to get up, simply
lying there and listening to peaceful sounds outside.
Surely there could never have been a time when that
seemed ordinary? Julia woke up, rubbed her eyes, and
raised herself on her elbow to look at the oilstove.
- 'Half that water's boiled away,' she said. 'I'll get up
and make some coffee in another moment. We've got an
hour. What time do they cut the lights off at your
flats?'
- 'Twenty-three thirty.'
- 'It's twenty-three at the hostel. But you have to get in
earlier than that, because -- Hi! Get out, you filthy
brute!'
- She suddenly twisted herself over in the bed, seized a
shoe from the floor, and sent it hurtling into the corner
with a boyish jerk of her arm, exactly as he had seen her
fling the dictionary at Goldstein, that morning during
the Two Minutes Hate.
- 'What was it?' he said in surprise.
- 'A rat. I saw him stick his beastly nose out of the
wainscoting. There's a hole down there. I gave him a good
fright, anyway.'
- 'Rats!' murmured Winston. 'In this room!'
- 'They're all over the place,' said Julia indifferently as
she lay down again. 'We've even got them in the kitchen
at the hostel. Some parts of London are swarming with
them. Did you know they attack children? Yes, they do. In
some of these streets a woman daren't leave a baby alone
for two minutes. It's the great huge brown ones that do
it. And the nasty thing is that the brutes always-'
- 'Don't go on!' said Winston, with his eyes tightly
shut.
- 'Dearest! You've gone quite pale. What's the matter? Do
they make you feel sick?'
- 'Of all horrors in the world -- a rat!'
- She pressed herself against him and wound her limbs round
him, as though to reassure him with the warmth of her
body. He did not reopen his eyes immediately. For several
moments he had had the feeling of being back in a
nightmare which had recurred from time to time throughout
his life. It was always very much the same. He was
standing in front of a wall of darkness, and on the other
side of it there was something unendurable, something too
dreadful to be faced. In the dream his deepest feeling
was always one of self- deception, because he did in fact
know what was behind the wall of darkness. With a deadly
effort, like wrenching a piece out of his own brain, he
could even have dragged the thing into the open. He
always woke up without discovering what it was: but
somehow it was connected with what Julia had been saying
when he cut her short.
- 'I'm sorry,' he said, 'it's nothing. I don't like rats,
that's all.'
- 'Don't worry, dear, we're not going to have the filthy
brutes in here. I'll stuff the hole with a bit of sacking
before we go. And next time we come here I'll bring some
plaster and bung it up properly.'
- Already the black instant of panic was half-forgotten.
Feeling slightly ashamed of himself, he sat up against
the bedhead. Julia got out of bed, pulled on her
overalls, and made the coffee. The smell that rose from
the saucepan was so powerful and exciting that they shut
the window lest anybody outside should notice it and
become inquisitive. What was even better than the taste
of the coffee was the silky texture given to it by the
sugar, a thing Winston had almost forgotten after years
of saccharine. With one hand in her pocket and a piece of
bread and jam in the other, Julia wandered about the
room, glancing indifferently at the bookcase, pointing
out the best way of repairing the gateleg table, plumping
herself down in the ragged arm-chair to see if it was
comfortable, and examining the absurd twelve-hour clock
with a sort of tolerant amusement. She brought the glass
paperweight over to the bed to have a look at it in a
better light. He took it out of her hand, fascinated, as
always, by the soft, rainwatery appearance of the glass.
- 'What is it, do you think?' said Julia.
- 'I don't think it's anything-I mean, I don't think it was
ever put to any use. That's what I like about it. It's a
little chunk of history that they've forgotten to alter.
It's a message from a hundred years ago, if one knew how
to read it.'
- 'And that picture over there' -- she nodded at the
engraving on the opposite wall-'would that be a hundred
years old?'
- 'More. Two hundred, I dare say. One can't tell. It's
impossible to discover the age of anything nowadays.'
- She went over to look at it. 'Here's where that brute
stuck his nose out,' she said, kicking the wainscoting
immediately below the picture. 'What is this place? I've
seen it before somewhere.'
- 'It's a church, or at least it used to be. St Clement
Danes its name was.' The fragment of rhyme that Mr
Charrington had taught him came back into his head, and
he added half-nostalgically: "Oranges and lemons,
say the bells of St Clement's!"
- To his astonishment she capped the line:
- 'You owe me three farthings, say the bells of St
Martin's,
- When will you pay me? say the bells of Old Bailey -- '
- 'I can't remember how it goes on after that. But anyway I
remember it ends up, "Here comes a candle to light
you to bed, here comes a chopper to chop off your
head!"
- It was like the two halves of a countersign. But there
must be another line after 'the bells of Old Bailey'.
Perhaps it could be dug out of Mr Charrington's memory,
if he were suitably prompted.
- 'Who taught you that?' he said.
- 'My grandfather. He used to say it to me when I was a
little girl. He was vaporized when I was eight -- at any
rate, he disappeared. I wonder what a lemon was,' she
added inconsequently. 'I've seen oranges. They're a kind
of round yellow fruit with a thick skin.'
- 'I can remember lemons,' said Winston. 'They were quite
common in the fifties. They were so sour that it set your
teeth on edge even to smell them.'
- 'I bet that picture's got bugs behind it,' said Julia.
'I'll take it down and give it a good clean some day. I
suppose it's almost time we were leaving. I must start
washing this paint off. What a bore! I'll get the
lipstick off your face afterwards.'
- Winston did not get up for a few minutes more. The room
was darkening. He turned over towards the light and lay
gazing into the glass paperweight. The inexhaustibly
interesting thing was not the fragment of coral but the
interior of the glass itself. There was such a depth of
it, and yet it was almost as transparent as air. It was
as though the surface of the glass had been the arch of
the sky, enclosing a tiny world with its atmosphere
complete. He had the feeling that he could get inside it,
and that in fact he was inside it, along with the
mahogany bed and the gateleg table, and the clock and the
steel engraving and the paperweight itself. The
paperweight was the room he was in, and the coral was
Julia's life and his own, fixed in a sort of eternity at
the heart of the crystal.