From: Birdman <tryme@hell.net>
Subject: The Book of BB (underground writings from hell)
Date: 12. avgust 2000 21:00

Chapter 1
A
nd on this morning of Sunday early in the zeros God came to me, and He
spoke thusly. "Boy removeth thyself from thy bed and looketh out thy
window. What doth thou see?"
2  I, being of mostly sound mind, rolled over and continued with my
sweet sleep. Thus God sent a curse which caused severe diarrhea, rising
me quickly from my slumber. He smote my circular nether region with the
pain of last night's supper peppered heavily with Tabasco and a smudgen
of Dave's Insanity Sauce thrown in for good measure.
3  Each squirt from my bowels rendered intense renewal of the pains that
only those who eat large quantities of heavenly spiced foods are
intimate. I considered cursing God for the pain that radiated from below
but held my tongue in check as He was standing in my very room of
conveniences with a rifle pointed right at me.
4   He again spoke unto me "Boy, when thou art done, wipeth thou
backside, goeth unto thy window and telleth unto me that which thou
seeith."
5   I could have sat for a little time more, but with the rifle pointed
at me and all, I wiped and rose to peer into the mornings first rays
upon the parking lot of the apartment complex as God so commanded me.
"God, I see fifty-three white cars, thirty-four darker cars, four
motorcycles and twenty-two light trucks, one hundred and twenty-seven,
eight unit apartments painted white with black roofs and one over
flowing dumpster."
6   God looked upon me in disgust, raised the rifle, and shot me right
between the eyes. Damn, I thought as I fell onto the floor.
7   God said unto me as I opened my eyes and peered up at him. "I
anointeth you BB after these little projectiles which are shiny bright
copper coated steel balls. Verily, they are much too small and of too
little a velocity to cause real damage but stingeth like a son of a
bitch when strucketh by one. If one is not careful, thou will putteth
out the eye of ones best friend. Thou, BB, will writeth the next chapter
of the most important book ever written for mankind. It shall be called
The Book of BB."
8   Thus, finally I became the prophet of God. That very thing He
promised fifteen years earlier, right before they threw me into the
State mental hospital for being generally wacked out and nutso out of my
mind.
9   I looked onto the face of God and knew damn well I was fucked for
good this time. He, being God, asked me "What else do thou seeith BB?"
10  Shaking heavily, my bowel problem not over by a long shot (so to
speak),  twenty- one feet to the nearest porcelain receptacle, I got up
and looked again out the window and answered, "God, no trees in sight
and twelve square feet of grass out in the distance, right there by the
front entrance. Anything else, sir?" I pleaded.
11   "Yea worm, doth thou remember the beginning as it was written?"
asked God. "Yes sir I do. In the beginning was the word...bla, bla, bla,
from John in the New Testament or something..."
12   God interrupted  (just couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut) "and
the Word was good?" "Great word," says I  (a little shaky  from the
shits). "I love anything you say I should. Em...sir…what word are we
talking about here?" bravely says I. "Later BB or doth thou wanteth a
namesake between thou eyes again?" booms God.
13   And so the little prophet BB cows under the sissy ass bb gun
wielded by the awfully big guy, God. No fair, thinks I, but what the
hell.
14   "BB, openith thou window and tellith unto me what you smell?" the
Lord God demanded.
15  I pushed with all my might but nothing happened. Thinking quickly, I
grabbed the nearest screw driver (thank God I am no lawyer!) and scraped
the crusted paint from the window sill. This time the window opened with
a puth, puth sound that reminded of my bodily emissions a few minutes
earlier.
16   "Lord, I smell the stink of old metal screen, the slightly rank
smell of auto exhaust fumes, and a great whiff of the Kimberly-Clark
paper mill eight miles away."
17   "Tellith unto me BB. What doth thou hear?" I listened and heard the
wind. I heard the base boom, boom, boom of a car stereo. I heard the din
of GA 400. I heard a husband screaming at his wife, baby crying in the
background. And I heard in the distance a chain saw clearing trash for a
new subdivision or something. These things I told to God and He laughed.

18  "BB, placeth on thou stove a pot filled with water from your tap and
bring it to a boil," God commanded me. Figuring He was famished and
wanting of something to eat or at least a Jell-O snack, I did as He
commanded. And lo, the water did come to a boil.
19  God said. "Placeth this little copper thing into the pot." Taking
the bb from his divine fingers, I placed it into the boiling pot as he
asked. And lo, my ass began to burn worse then when I had the shits.
Jesus Chr...I began to scream but thought better of that and said
instead. "Lord, why do you hurt me so?"
20   "BB, I giveth unto mankind the soup of life as a playground for you
and your kind, but you taketh that gift and stripeth it of its
soupiness. You taketh its richness and its flavor and useth it to make
another piece of silver. You fucketh yourself in your greed. You sinkith
to the bottom and nothing is left to protectith your ass from getting
the shit burntith out of it. You taketh the soup essence out of the
soup. Besides I am hungry for more than bb soup," said the One God.
21   So it came to pass, and it did come down to me, to be the very
chosen one to get God something to eat. That's easy I thought, and I
opened my fridge. It was warm inside, and a strong smell of decay was
emitted that made me remember my overdue electric bill.
22  So recovering without a word, I opened the pantry, and it was mostly
empty except for a can of evaporated milk with two small puncture wounds
in its top and about a hundred roaches scurrying for cover. "Hey God,
can I borrow a few bucks till pay day," said I, "to run down to the
corner store to get that very thing which you desire?"
23  And the one God said unto me. "What! With the cost of construction
and no pay back in sight? By the way, wereth you aware that the
dinosaurs defaulted on their loan and wentith extinct on me?"
24   "BB, verily I bring thee ill tidings. Thou job was terminated this
same morning when the building manager boughtith his own screwdriver. If
thou phone still workith, thou wouldest have known," God said unto me.
"Goeth now," demanded my God, "and findith the very ingredients to make
a rich soup."  So that very second I left for the apartment parking lot
as God so commanded.

Chapter 2
T
he cold air smashed into my face like a wet wash cloth, and it was
dirty. The dust of the bulldozing of trees, the one hundred and fifty
year old farm house in the distance, the pasture where thousands of cows
gave there short lives to make possible mankind's stops at McDonalds,
and of course, the Baptist church graveyard up the road, all stunk like
hell. Even down unto this day, the smell hit me all at once. Oh, how I
love the crisp smell of spring!
2   Yea, but the damn house guest and how to feed Him that which he
desired. Rich tasty soup made up of onions, tomatoes, potatoes, and
other vegetables in a rich meaty base, and preferably not my ass's meaty
base.
3 First place to look? The common dumpster, and with many pleadings
under my breath, I went there. But lo, the damn truck beat me, for there
were still empty apartments for property management to make a buck on.
And no one in their right mind would want them with that stink of the
existing residents' garbage hanging still and solid in the air. Beats
the hell out of me why!
4   So on I traveled, taking my chances on foot, in the pedestrian
unplanned highways of the State of Georgia (fuck them peds!) If they
ain't got a car they don't matter, just run their sorry asses over).
Yea! And lo, just then a great yellow-green dust befell me and covered
me with the sexual lust of the male pine trees. I knew then in my very
heart that I was screwed, on foot and in the middle of the great state
of Georgia. I knew the being of female. And the guy pines did know me
from head to foot. And I became yellow-green with the happiness of the
gay trees. And lo I was made happy. Oh, fuck that thought.
5   It's come down to ME to feed God (is there even a chance of sex
afterwards?), the one God, and no food in sight, and I don't even have a
way to get there even if there was a way to get God a bite too eat (sex
with God- I could hardly wait).
6   So then I prayed, "God, how thou hath pained me all my born days and
how thou hath claimed that I hurt thee so that I must be punished even
unto hell, Oh God, what in the hell art thou any way?"
7   And the Lord God answered, "BB, have thou not seeneth the leaches of
your garden couple and be attached even one to another? Have thou not
watcheth them twisting and turning and stretching in each other's
embrace? Do thou not knoweth that each is both sexes? The penis of each
is embedded in the others vagina and when the coupling is done the peni
are left behind. Why else do you thinketh they struggle so hard, one
against the other?"
8   "And so it is with the One God of this universe, when I findeth the
One God of some other universe (and Lord knows I'm always looking) I
will finally findeth my only fulfillment, to fuck with and be fucked
with, to score and be scored, that is what the one God seekeths beyond
seeking."
9  "But in this little time being, I am hungry! So goith forth and
findith me some food and thou knowith I prefer soupiness! No, BB, a
little food will not get you a little sex!!!"
10  Just then a semi going south clipped my shirt, the only article of
clothing I was wearing, and continued south dragging me with it. Vidalia
onions, south, I thought as God finally took the trouble of thinking
thoughts away from me...
11  Damn! That not thinking part sure flies by, I thought as I woke
lying on side of U.S. 75 sore as hell and now shirtless. Cars zooming by
and not one stopping to see my lifeless and now naked body.
12   I get it! The things that are not part of the norm day to day world
are invisible. You know, like a word you have just learned and all of a
sudden you hear it all over the place. This is good! No one can see me I
thought as I dragged my sore naked ass and scraped to hell body up and
started to walk towards S.R.16 into Vidalia.
13   "Well fuck!" I exclaimed, as I saw the blue lights pull over behind
me on the freeway shoulder. I forgot cops have seen it all. They have to
do stints in strip clubs checking the dancers permits and checking for
the proper public hair (quarter inch to the left or right of the
clitoris and three quarters of an inch on each side of the labia). And
of course they make damn sure the dancers don't show any of their inner
labia or anus (a real no, no here in GA).
14   Well, nonetheless, they saw me with mostly less than more on there
in the Bible belt. There are really strict laws about this stuff, and
they were pulling over to find out just why I was naked.
15   "Boy!  Git over here now, hands on top of yur head!" the driver
Sheriff screamed at me with his gun drawn and pointed between my eyes. I
stopped and did what he told me to do.
16   Once inside the car I could hear his partner calling into the mike
that they had a rapist on their hands and asking if any reports of rape
have been called in the last twelve years.
17   "Bout four thousand six hundred and ninety three," was the faint
reply I heard as his buddy jumped out of the car, shotgun pointed
between my legs through the open door and screaming. "Should I fix him
now or later when we get him alone on the building elevator up at HQ?!!"
I was covered in road rash from head to foot and would not have minded
being put out of my misery, but it didn't sound at all like a shoot to
kill request. It sounded a whole like a STN (shoot to neuter) to me, so
I started talking real fast trying to explain myself and why I was naked
walking down the freeway and all.
18   "Sirs, am I glad to see ya'll. Em, er... my girl friend found out I
was seeing her best friend behind her back and made me take off my
cloths at gun point. Then she made me open the car door and kicked me
out at seventy miles an hour a few miles back down the road" I lied.
"Look at all my scraps and cuts," I said to reinforce my sorry ass story
as I blabbered on.
19   "Asshole, we don't cotton to liars or rapists, and you fit the
description of the dirty fucker who's been taking our women folk against
their will for a long damn time. The one thing you have in common with
every damn incident is ya'll were naked down there," he said as he
pointed to my rapidly shriveling testicles with the shotgun.
20   "Hey! Bobby Bill can I end our misery now or do ya want to share in
this glory on the way in?" said the deputy.
21   "Oh God," I pleaded under my breath, "please save me." I heard
faintly, right before I passed out, "Mountain oysters maketh a mighty
fine soup broth!"
22   It turns out that it was less than an hour before the end of the
sheriffs' shift, and they were planing on going to see a movie at the
Paris Art Theater in Macon. That very night was the world premiere of
"Rape ol' the Bitch Teenage Cunt." If they had to shoot me, it would
mean another thirty-four minutes in paper work.
23  "Thank ya Jesus," I said to myself. I was saved by the Southern
Belle, who was really a New York beau of some Manhattan pimp with a
phony accent, but that is a whole other story.



Chapter 3
I
awoke in the back seat of the patrol car zooming down S.R. 16 headed to
Vidalia, GA, blue lights flashing. They were going about one hundred and
twenty-three miles an hour in a big hurry to drop me in jail and get
back in time to see the movie.
2   "Haw, haw haw. This ain't no rapist, his thing is just too small to
be of any use to anything. I'll bet when he pees it just dribbles down
the side of his leg. What ya say we just throw him back like when we
catch a fish that's too dang small to cook and that way we can grab a
few beers before the world première at The Paris?" I heard Billy Bob
say.
3   The car skidded to a stop somewhere in the middle of the night in
Georgia. "Git out," one of them said as he opened the door, "and don't
ever come back this way again." "If there ever is a next time, ya just
might lose your little head, know what I mean?" "Haw, haw." I heard the
other squeal as they fish tailed off in the opposite direction.
4   So there I was naked, and it hit me hard, and tears started
streaming down my face. The crying would just not stop, and the smell of
smashed and broken onions was so powerful that I could hardly breath.
5  In the moonlight I saw the most beautiful sight I had ever witnessed.
A vast landscape of raw broken dirt dotted throughout with crushed
decimated plants and  broken onions that the mechanical pickers had run
over or missed. Even as far as the eyes could see and in the distance in
all directions, I saw the headlights of the machines going on forever.
6    I was at the very portal to the garden of Eden. Making good use of
the "No Trespassing, Violators Will Be Prosecuted" sign to help me climb
over the barbed wire fence, I jumped to the other side and rolled in the
dirt and broken onions. It was the happiest moment of my life, and I
gave thanks even unto God by rolling in the dirt and waste of the place
that once was a vast living field of healthy growing things.
7   I gathered up a handful of the least damaged onions in sight and
laid down to sleep naked on the now denuded raw earth. And lo a great
kinship came over me, and I felt a closeness to the earth, and the earth
was my mother, and she protected me, and I felt her great love, and we
were one.
8  At that very moment the night sky opened, and the Father smiled down
His
pleasure and pride in the new birth of a son, and I was one with all of
creation, surrounded by love and safe fast in Garden of Eden.
9  In the morning I got up with my few onions and headed off across the
field away from the highway. The food was plentiful, and I was filled to
overflowing in a feast of raw onions. For two days I walked on nothing
but the broken ground of the harvest, and when I thirsted, the rain
would drench me turning my journey into a trek of squishy mud, and when
I was chilled the sun would come out and warm me.
10 On and on I walked until finally I came to a industrial sized
building filled with the mechanical pickers and out back was the
dumpster and the rags the mechanics used to clean the engines were piled
high in it. And lo they were old discarded cloths. God had blessed me
once again.
11 Finding a pair of bright green polyester pants that were only a few
sizes too big in the waist and only four inches too short for my legs
and a very dirty short sleeve Hawaiian shirt two sizes to small, I could
at last go once again among the people without fear of ridicule at my
nakedness. And I made from a yellow print dress a sack to carry the
fixings for Gods soup.
12   On the third day of walking I came at last to a large city of man,
and I gave thanks even unto God, and I laid down and rolled upon the
street, and joy filled me and I was happy.  The people driving the cars
welcomed me back with much fanfare and honking of horns and hand
gestures as they swerved to miss me. Many of the children of God that
day laughed with glee and celebration and finger pointing to see my
return to civilization.
13   With a deep respect the people cleared a wide berth as I trod on
the sidewalks for they knew my mission was a great one. I was so
important that even the police would scream words of encouragement as
they drove by to go on to the next town and not tarry or rest there. And
so on I went.
14   As I walked along the highway back to my own city, the soreness and
the pain of my days on Gods quest did fill me with a deep pity and
sadness for my very own self.
15   I sat and wept bitterly at my plight and rendered my Hawaiian shirt
asunder and looked up into the heavens and prayed thusly.
16 "Lord take this thing you have thrust upon me away for I am almost 50
years old and just long to be back in my own bed watching my own TV once
again and having a beer whenever I feel like it. I hunger but have only
raw onions to satiate my pangs. A pizza ( the works, hold the onions)
could go down pretty good right now."
17  "I long mightily for the soft velvety feel of real toilet paper
stolen from the building where I once worked. And I mightily miss the
comfort that my girlfriend provides for my demands nightly."
18 "I even miss sorely my job as desk repairer and office chair oiler at
the high rise. Please God, onion soup is very tasty. Let this thing be
ended. For it hurts soo much to go on. Amen!"
19 And I heard a rumbling above, and the clouds of the night parted. A
speaker appeared above me with two wires going from it into the sky out
of sight into the distance and somehow God made his voice emanate from
it as it vibrated the air molecules around me saying.
20 "Fifty years old? Thou soundith like a whining baby crying for a
bottle. What on TV is worth watching. Beer is no good for thee. Onions
are good for thou health. Any one who wouldith kiss and tellith it is a
niny. Your filthy ass is of no consequence to me. What job? I hateth
onion soup. So forgetith it, thou art in too deep now. If thou thinkith
it hurts now, just try walking away from thou quest. Thou God will
showith you pain that even a roll of brier toilet paper can't begin to
competeth with."
21  The speaker just then chased the wires back into the sky and left me
softly whimpering to sleep.

Chapter 4
T
hat next morning I woke to the damn boom, boom, boom of what sounded
like a car stereo, all base and no content. "God damn teenagers," I was
cursing when I opened my eyes and once again peered into the face of
God.
2    And he looked upon me and exclaimed even unto my own ears "What art
thou muttering about?" "Bob ran to Tangiers, it was just something I was
dreaming your honor," I quickly replied. "BB! Don't maketh me get thy
namesake projectile emitter out again! I readith the entire Bible last
night and figure it's about time for a parable to go into your book. So
sittith here," God boomed into my ears.
3   "Man searchs for the truth of his being all the natural days of his
life. Every day he only thinkiths this one thought--just what art this
stuff all about? He hath compassion for all living beings around him for
he knowiths there is no reference point on which to passeth judgment.
Finally he dies with not even a clue as to what is going on. He hath
lived his entire life in the dark and he dies in the dark."
4   "Another man liveths his life knowing that Jesus has died for his
sins, and no matter and no matter what, all is forgiven so long as he
believeths this one simple truth."
5   "The second man geteth a great load of latitude in how he liveths
his life knowing he can do anything he wants so long as he continueth to
believeth one simple truth, and boy does he, taking any pleasure he
desireth and hurting anyone in sight to geteth out of life the things he
craveths. He is free to judgeth the sinners around him for he knowiths
that anyone who does not believeth that which he believeth will be
damned to hell."
6   "The first man taketh no such liberties and questions the very
foundation of want in his quest for the very meaning of being and
suffereth alone the entire span of his being. Judgment day finally
arriveth and both men standith before me."
7   "BB, just how shall I judgeth them?" BB being no fool and having
read the Bible himself grabs a stick lying nearby and squats down to
draw some random stuff in the dust at his feet, thereby gaining enough
time to give a somewhat decent answer unto his God.
8   "God, let the second man gain his very way into the heaven that
grants the boon of whatever he wishes, even that, and no mater what,
shall be granted. In a very short time he will know hell and burn
forever."
9   "Let the first man go to that same place and because he knows not,
that man will forever and forever be in bliss."
10   "Good answer BB, but because thou art a smart ass I will shoot thee
again anyway.” And so He did.
11   "God damn it!"  I thought. "Quit fucking with me," as the pain
between my eyes subsided. Each time a BB hits me between my eyes, new
ideas gain entry into my mind, and this fucking soup quest is one thing,
but this mucking in my head is something else.
12   "God!" I screamed, "you are one fucking bastard!" But He had
already left, and I still had a little work to do to get home again. So
be it.
13   I was hungry for anything but onions, my good shirt was torn to
rags, and I had a head full of ideas that was driving me insane (Bob
Dylan). So on I walked on looking for a house where I could share the
good news from God and maybe get a bite to eat.
14  I could tell I was getting close to Atlanta because in the distance
I saw big  mansions in the places where shotgun shacks once stood
scattered about the little farms. I guessed I was about thirty miles out
by the sizes of them.
15   I walked up to the first one I came to. It was a half a mile in
from the road I was on. Right off to the side of the driveway, there was
a large cross made of telephone poles so I guessed I had came to the
right place.
16   When I finally got to the front door framed by giant white pillars
and a pair of old wooden rocking chairs I saw a welcome mat that said
"There Are No Strangers Here, Only Friends."
17   Before I could knock a voice came out of the porch ceiling "GET THE
FUCK OUT OFF HERE BEFORE I SHOOTS YA FOR TRESPASSING!"
18   Looking up I see a small speaker a lot like the one God used a few
days before. So thinking I am in good hands and with the cross and all I
say. "God has sent me to get him stuff for his lunch or supper or
something. Please sir, I need some carrots and spices and potatoes and
meat to make his meal rich and tasty."
19   Silence was the only answer I got so I wiped my bare feet on the
mat thinking they was coming to the door to let me in. When I looked
down to make sure my feet were clean enough, I noticed a little more of
the mat at the bottom that said "Niggers, Go On Back to Africa."
20   Just then the mail slot opened in the door, and a black metal
hollow rod came out and touched me between the legs. Shit I thought, I
don't want sex, I just want a little food for me and God so I can get
this thing over with and go back to watching "South Park” on TV.
     21 "I SAID, GIT THE FUCK AWAY OR YOU WILL NEVER FUCK AGAIN." The
voice booms from the ceiling again. "Excuse me sir I just need a bite to
eat for me and God," I said softly.
22   In the background I could here some one yelling "Honey, what should
I wear to church today? The new pastor promised us a sermon on the
theme, ‘Family of Jesus First, All The Rest Be Damned,’ and ya knows I
want the others to see just how saved our family really is."
23  "Jesus fuckin' Christ, Darline, I'm trying to get rid of this God
damned rat out on the front porch!  I'll be up in a second, bitch!" the
male voice answered, as I turned and ran back up the driveway, fast as
my little sore feet could go.

Chapter 5
F
inally I made it out to the main road, my bare feet were killing me, and
a few minutes later a big black ‘Hummer’ comes driving by honking as it
goes. In the back window I see a couple of kids giving me the same kinda
signs the other folks welcomed me into the last town with. God IS truly
with me I thought, as I continued on my journey to get Him a bite to
eat.
2   At the next house a few miles further down the road, there was no
cross made of telephone poles to welcome me in the driveway, a good
sign! A damn good sign! I thought  as I trekked the three quarters of a
mile to get there. When finally I got there twenty minutes later I saw
the sign "We are all one with the Goddess" nailed to the front door and
knew, deep down, that this was good and true.
3   I knocked on that very door and heard a voice come out of the
thingie saying, "May I help you?" "Oh thank you, yes ma'am," I polity
replied, "I am seeking some fixings for God's meal and still lack
potatoes, tomatoes, some meat, and a few spices."
4   "God!!!?" the thingie boomed back into my ears, "Just what the fuck
is God?" "Well, you know, that guy that has the sexes of both male and
female, kinda like a garden leach, but we all know Him only as God. I'm
sure its just a shorter version of God/Goddess the father/mother, I'm
sure!" I say.
5  "What!!? You little shit, the only FUCKING GOD HERE IS FEMALE and she
is a Woman. But stay just a little while, for we need a male participate
in our rites, and you appear to be just about perfect, you are male
aren't you?"
6  Wondering if I still was a male after so many close calls, I let go
of the waist to my pants, and yea, the family jewels were still existing
in all their 18 mm glory, exposed before the entire world or at least
that small portion that had a camera trained on me to see it.
7   But then I ran from that very place for I did not like the sound of
Her voice and I did fear for my very life. (Well really, my possible
future generations lives did bother me a great deal, ya know stuff like,
would I be able to get it up next time or could they really name me as
the father and highly important questions even unto those.)
8   And it came to pass, and at the very last second I checked, I was
still on the road with only a few onions for God's special meal and with
the last of the day's suns rays dying, I knocked off the damn quest and
finally went back to sleep, a place I so longed for. It fell on me like
freight train bound for hell, filled in full with me and some happy
sailors.
9   And I slept. But...unfortunately for you, the reader of this happy
shit, I dreamed on and now you shall hear of this dream.…
10 Sweet sleep soon covered me, but in the first few moments of it I saw
my God in a vision. He was skin and bones and He implored me to get him
some food. I offered Him the onions I could no longer stomach. He
reached for that little damn gun and shot a projectile aimed right
between my eyes. So on the 20th day of the journey, cussing God once
again, I awoke.
11 That day, the semi trucks called me from the sweet dreams that were
really nightmares. But no matter, my eyes opened to the new day, and my
eyes struggled with this battle and lost. And I saw the road ahead and
the road behind, and there was no other way out so I went on.
12 More houses to give me those things that God requested and maybe,
just a little something extra for me to eat. GREAT!! I could hardly wait
to go on begging for God and me. Need I bore you with the details of six
more days of house to house trick-or- treating in the very name of God
and not of my buddy the devil?
13 Na, and not one of the forty-two residences faired any better then
the first door I beat upon. And of whose young residents who at least
encouraged me to not give up on my quest but to go on with this holy
thing and whose Godly gesturing I now need so damn bad and really miss.
14 I was discouraged, but my stomach took over and drove me on for the
few onions left were no longer a food source that could go down. And the
grasses at the side of the road were getting thin, and the few berries
and apples I was able to find were not filling enough for the emptiness
that was me. But the four-fifths eaten McDonald’s hamburgers and the one
or two French fries by the side of the road did help.
15 The Atlanta suburbs finally loomed before me. Thousands upon
thousands of houses laid in the distance. And the road became wide and
shallow and the cars sped up just like the rapids of a wild raging
river.
16 I began to smell a putrid smell as I walked, and the more I traveled
the worse it got, and it baffled my very senses. Surly a rendering plant
must be near but I saw it not. A dead deer must be next to me rotting on
the berm but that carcass was not any where to be seen. The stink
surrounded me every where my feet went, and finally I knew that it was
really only me.
17 And the stink was like that of the dead, left and forgotten by the
living, and the stink called my name and the smelly vapors took on the
very faces of my friends and laughed at me and chided me, threatening to
have me locked away forever for being nuts and not even a little bit
with it.
18 And I knew unhappiness. But I could not figure out just how to place
that feeling or what was happening or why I was being so stupid. But I
sure as hell was not ready to prey about that, for I had learned my
lessons and wished not, to the depth of my very being, for any more of
God's great wisdom.
19 I prayed, "Father you are up there somewhere, and I am sure that
whatever you do is good. Lord you will have whatever outcome that works
for you for whatever reason you choose, even to us earthlings. Please
bring me a real bite to eat. But I am a fool in the middle of doing a
thing I know not of or why. I am lost and have no luck in finding that
which I seek or even why I seek it. Look the other way when I tromp
around in the Garden of Eden as I promise to forget the people that turn
me away over and over and scream obscenities as I walk back down the too
long but nicely landscaped and very prettily decorated driveways and
never, never do I get pissed off. Amen."
20   God in all His glory and from His own heaven came down and visited
after I finished saying those words. It was really me that He visited!.
21 "Fucketh up again son, I seeith, that is copyrighted, trademark stuff
thou art messing with." He said, pulling out his trusty daisy tm.
quadruple pump bb riffle and shot me sorely between the eyes and left.
But Glory Be unto God! Just then in his leaving, a true boon of Wonder
Bread fell from the sky.
22 Finally I ate and I was filled. Really filled!  For the first time in
twenty-one days, I was happy again just like watching "Tales From the
Dark Side" and fixing office desks and oiling chair casters in what used
to be my own high rise.

Chapter 6
O
k, a confession is due here, and as the true prophet of God anyway, I
should never tell fibs.
2 The Wonder Bread did not fall from the sky as I just reported. It fell
from the back of a semi a few miles further up the road. But I really do
miss watching "Tales from the Dark Side" and kinda miss the desk fixing
job, though to be really, really and totally honest here, would have
loved it more, if they had moved me up to the changer of the burnt out
light bulbs guy.
3 So, coming clean with this admission where was I? Oh yea, soon after
God shot me, I felt the little bump left behind and saw a spot of blood
on my finger. And I saw more stuff and though I closed my eyes, stuff
kept coming in to me but how that was I don't even know.
4 This is the stuff that I saw...I saw a great light, and it was so
bright that I was blinded by it. After a minute it dimmed, and I saw a
little kid all alone in a big house, scattered about were empty cans of
food and broken toys.
5 The ceiling in the house was made up of three thousand, four hundred
and twenty-six stars, and at the very peak of the bonus room above the
garage, I saw the sun and moon entwined like lovers knowing one to
another.
6 A putrid smell rose up into my nose from this vision and sickened me,
and I looked again and saw poopies throughout the carpeting in the
living room and roaches were feasting on it and maggots were having a
celebration in its abundance.
7 In the far corner a broken cage hung, having the top portion made from
diamonds from South Africa, the middle parts gold from the Americas, and
the bottom clay from what used to be the USSR. There was also copper and
other stuff it was made from but since I didn't do too good in geology
in high school I'll just skip over those things.
8 The bottom of the cage above the clay was covered in newspapers
yellowed with age and urine and many dried feces. And lying above the
waste I saw a bird and its feathers were red, white, blue, green,
purple, and many other fashion colors. And I, not being a woman, could
not even began to know the names there of.
9 The birds feet were sticking straight up into the air. And I feared it
was dead or just sleeping. As once my own mother told to me and that
very next day Bob the bird had escaped the locked cage up in my old
bedroom after such a profound sleep. For months I looked for it in all
the trees in my neighborhood but sadly never saw Bob again.
10  Beneath the cage sat a dried up old man, girded in a baby diaper.
And his face had the smile of death, and his eyes were wide empty
sockets. His arms were held in a position as if he were gonna hit or
hold someone, but most of the flesh had fallen away a long time ago and
turned to the dust he sat in.
11 Next to the dried up old man stood an old fire place with a blazing
fire of cedar, pine, oak and a bunch of rain forest logs which I also
knew not the names thereof.
12 Out of the chimney a dense black smoke mingled with the angry flames
and shot forth threatening to cover the sky with a dark blanket of hate.

13 The little kid began to cry, but no one came forth to confront him.
And an evil look crossed his face, and he began to chase the half
starved poodle dog that was even his own pet around the room. And the
poor poodle dog was scared to death and stayed ahead of the kid mostly
and only got kicked once or twice.
14 The little kid tired of the game and went to the biggest pantry I had
ever seen, colored a deep green standing right next to the stove. When
he opened it, I saw that it was almost empty and the inside of it was in
disarray. Pulling a can of Chef Borodee Speggityoooos out, he opened it
and ate right from the can with his smelly bare fingers.
15 Tears welled up in his eyes again and ran down his dirty face
carrying with them some of the sauce that was smeared on the corner of
his mouth and dripping at last upon the littered kitchen floor.
16 I was so saddened by the vision that I too cried. I cried for the kid
whose parents had forgotten and abandoned him with out love or care.
17 I cried for the kid because he did not know how to love or care for
himself and could not forget. And then I cried for Bob the bird whom I
still miss and look for in the trees and outdoor phone wires on
occasion.
18 As quickly as the vision came, blackness appeared. And I never saw
the house or kid again. The sight I could not close my eyes to made me
tired, nervous and fidgety, and I could never forget it.
19 It was night and sleep would not come upon me so I had a vision that
was deeply personal during which my hand did know me biblically. And
afterwards I rolled over and fell asleep completely ignoring the very
said hand.

Chapter 7
I
 awoke from a sweet dream in which my girlfriend was giving me little
kisses and tiny pats all over my body.
2 The little kisses and pats turned out to be a rain of stinking maggots
from the sky. They were falling softly everywhere, and the tiny
squiggly, mushy bodies were trying to burl into my eyes, mouth, and skin
and were covering me up to at least an inch thick.
3 I jumped up and retched as I ran. The retching splattered my rotting
pants and bare feet with half-digested regurgitated bread.
4 I kept running, my feet kept sliding on their slippery bodies, and I
fell a dozen times blindly trying to escape that morning's nightmare.
5 I ran and walked most of the early day with my eyes and mind shut, and
by noon had no idea where I was.
6 Where ever it was, I no longer cared because where ever it was, was
where the maggots finally were not.
7 I found myself by a set of rarely used train tracks in a area of dingy
industrial buildings slightly illuminated by a dark and nasty cloud
filled sky.
8 No longer giving a damn about any thing, I set off walking down the
railroad tracks in whatever direction my feet were headed, straight to
shit ass hell.
9 I was God's little fuck toy clown. How I hated Him and his bastard
fucking Son and all this whole damned creation.
10 I stank, He stank, and all of it just fucking stank to high fucking
heaven. The bastard shoots me every time I turn around, fucks me in the
ass with the stupid "quest to feed God" then shits on me every chance He
gets. Fuck Him, fuck Him, and FUCK HIM.
11 Fuck me, for the truth came in a realization just then, about the
whole damn crappy ass mess.
12 It's all about a way to pass eternity. A kinda story about birth and
death and all these little conflicts in between.
13 For with every pleasure comes a little pain. For all these little
gains come little losses. And nothing lasts long. There is no thing, not
one damn thing, to hold on to in it all.
14 There is not even a single idea of anything to keep, for the very
self is some kinda dream in some kinda dream that's probably in some
other piece of shit dream.
15 For a little while heaven dreams the earth, for another while the
earth dreams the heavens, and then maybe the nothingness dreams a little
nothing.
16 Fucked, with not even a God to God damn it all, and no fucking self
that can really bitch about it.
17 It is all nothing, just really nothing, playing around with its
non-existent penis-vagina thingamjiggy.
18 Bad dreams filled my waking eyes for the remainder of that day. When
night came I was utterly exhausted and so hungry that even the remaining
four onions appealed greatly to me.
19 Finally I sat down but before I could eat those cursed things, fell
asleep on the hard gravel next to the tracks.

Chapter 8
I
awoke early the next day feeling a light kiss between my eyes and jumped
up in fear.  Fear of the sweet little maggots of the day before and of
the one God playing with me again.
2 No way was I staying peacefully sleep with the rain of maggots
swarming over me. When I looked, there was God smiling at me. He laughed
heartily and disappeared to where ever in hell he hangs out.
3 My face was full of fear and disgust at the thought of yesterday and
the old geezer just laughed and went away? Oh well, God it seems, is a
prankster.
4 The sore no longer hurt, and when I felt of it, it was gone. Deciding
to no longer eat the onions, I walked on and after a little while I came
to a lake.
5 The water was clean and I needed that so badly. I jumped right in and
swam with my sack of onions to the other side.
6 My filthy cloths washed off of me with the dirt. I was getting clean
and felt better than I had in weeks.
7 I was naked and pretty much clean when I came out on the other side
about a hour later.
8 There was a camp set up and a bunch of people were sitting around the
cooking pot set up in the middle of it.
9 They called me over, and though I was naked they did not seem to
notice, and I too was not embarrassed by it.
10 There were old men and women and kids of different nationalities, but
mostly they were young, strong men. They were illegal immigrants that
came here to follow the seasons by picking the crops that grew to
fruition, trying to stay one step ahead of I.N.S.
11 They had just started cooking lunch. A Mulligan stew was starting to
come together in the pot. There was some kinda stringy meat, brussels
sprouts, green peppers, potatoes, broccoli, beets, cauliflower, and
carrots. They needed some onions to round it out, and I had them but
wasn't ready to give them up.
12 An old man came up to me and offered up an old pair of jeans that he
had in his duffle bag, and I accepted. A middle-aged woman gave me a
shirt that was drying on a clothsline, and I told her how grateful I
was.
13 I could not understand a thing they told me for they spoke in foreign
tongues. Nor could they in turn understand a thing I spoke, but we were
all happy and at peace.
14 These people had shown me more kindness then I had seen in
thirty-nine days (except for those kids that had motioned to me to go on
in my quest earlier with much finger gesturing).
15 Fuck God and His stupid quest, I thought and emptied the contents of
my bag into the boiling cauldron. The people around smiled as they saw
the onions roll out of my bag into the soup.
16 I sat with them while an old woman stirred the pot every once in a
while and after a time felt more at home then even when I was at home.
17 I was so damn hungry and the smell wafted around making my mouth
water.
18 Though I tried to tell them of my journey into the world and about
hell and stuff, they only smiled at me saying things I could not make
sense of.
19 A young boy came over with a guitar and played some music I never
heard before. And as the others sang, I hummed along feeling at one with
them all.
20 After some time elapsed, a small girl brought some bowls and spoons
out of a tent and passed them around. The old woman dipped into the
cauldron and scooped out a portion, one each for all in the entire camp.

21 God it was good to eat real food again. I missed the sensation of hot
food so badly, but now, at last, I got all I could eat. After three
refills, I began to finally feel okay again.

Chapter 9
F
uck God, I thought...but just as quickly I realized that the IT around
me was really the ALL and the one and only God there ever was.
2 It's just you and those around you and nothing more. No other thing
more or less could ever make it not so. I did help make God his soup,
and it is ours and there is nothing more, anywhere.
3 With that idea of US, I felt so free and happy that I danced with the
music the young man had played and sang that evening.
4 In the back of the camp I heard the sound of a hammer rhythmically
beating, and I wanted so badly to be a part of these people and this
life. I gave up all the other ideas and said goodbye to my old life.
5 I was free, and at last I had filled the very mission of God, for he
had now, and through us, eaten that good rich soup.
6 Later, the wine and bread were passed around, and I drank and ate my
fill before finally going to sleep, full in stomach and also  full of
the simple honest joy of being.
7 In the morning, they woke me asking in unknown words, "would I?" And I
said "Yes, please, and of course."
8 They had me lay on this thing they made, arms outstretched and I said
"Thank you." They asked, "Do you mind this?" And I said, "No."
9 The fucks tied me to the cross, and I said "Cool." The bastards nailed
my hands, and I screamed "HOLY SHIT!!!"
10 With loving arms they hoisted my cross into the hole set for it.
11 I was free at last. The very place I spent my whole life looking for.
Oh! And how I had wanted to fly.
12 I was soaring into the sky, arms outstretched and though nailed, no
longer stationary.
13 I knew God for the first time ever. The All and nothing in the same
instance, nailed down and finally without a doubt, free.
14 Totally fucked in pain and released simultaneously…the very soup of
God boiling, rich, and plentiful.
15 And I saw the misery of those poor creatures around me, and I knew
their pain and the release thereof. And I saw others insulated in the
protection of money and knew it for the lie it was.
16 For it is always "WE" forever and ever and ever more.
17 There is no insulation or protection from that need. And no matter
what, all and everything is possible in this world or at least maybe,
with a little help from our “God”, the next. For it is in this longing,
the only true answer that has ever been possible has always and forever
been safely hidden away, down in the very center of our very want.

 Print this book out and add it to your bible.